We all have regrets. One of my greatest regrets took place in the summer of 2004. I had started a master's degree program at my university in the fall of 2003. I performed passably that semester, but by the end of it, having graduated the spring before, I was burned out. I decided to put the degree program on hold and begin my training to become a teacher. I did so in the spring of that year, but wanted to do something unrelated to school during the summer. As a result, just before applications were due, I applied and was accepted to be a camp counselor at a camp just two hours away from where I lived.
I arrived to meet the permanent staff and my fellow counselors and, not more than three or four days into the job--having worked on a drama, set up an archery target by standing on the shoulders of another guy, decided the name of my cabin group, and performing various other jobs--I told the activity coordinator that it wasn't for me. While this person had someone in mind in case something like this happened, I immediately felt a sense of disappointment, feeling like I had let her, my team, and myself down. She told me that I would be the one to tell my team the next day, and after responding to the head of the camp that there was no alternate position that would work better for me, I delivered the news.
I didn't anticipate how much such this decision would affect my team members. I could see the disappointment on at least some of their faces. Nonetheless, this had finalized my decision, and it wasn't much longer before I packed up and left. When I called my mom--who was expecting me to be away for the summer--she was upset. She had seen me at home far too much the previous fall while I rook an independent study course in history, along with another class that met only once per week, and felt I should be out of the house. Nonetheless, here I was coming home again.
If this were the end, it would be a pretty depressing story. Ironically, however, the event that I saw as my greatest disappointment would eventually become a source of great pride. Having no plan in mind for my summer, I decided reluctantly to return to my studies in the master's program. This was not what I had expected for myself. In fact, having unenthusiastically trudged through the fall semester, I had questioned whether I would continue the program at all. Yet, here I was, and instead of finding myself overwhelmed at the workload, I found the class manageable enough to motivate me to continue later. Indeed, after starting work as a teacher, I returned to the master's program and eventually graduated.
I highlight this story because it reminds me of my favorite scripture, Romans 8:28: "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." God's presence was clear throughout my schooling, from the darkest to the brightest moments, and I can see now that he took my shame and used it for my good. I am not alone in this. Paul, author of much of the New Testament, had once persecuted Christians, watching as like-minded people killed followers of the Way. Yet, God used this man's past as an example for the benefit of other believers, and of Paul himself. 1 Timothy 1:12-17 states,
As Christians, we can be encouraged by the fact that God will use our shame, our sin, for our own growth and for the benefit of others.
*McKeen, Jeremy. "Overcoming Regrets." Goodnews. The Good News. 10 July 2014. Web. 28 July 2017.
I arrived to meet the permanent staff and my fellow counselors and, not more than three or four days into the job--having worked on a drama, set up an archery target by standing on the shoulders of another guy, decided the name of my cabin group, and performing various other jobs--I told the activity coordinator that it wasn't for me. While this person had someone in mind in case something like this happened, I immediately felt a sense of disappointment, feeling like I had let her, my team, and myself down. She told me that I would be the one to tell my team the next day, and after responding to the head of the camp that there was no alternate position that would work better for me, I delivered the news.
I didn't anticipate how much such this decision would affect my team members. I could see the disappointment on at least some of their faces. Nonetheless, this had finalized my decision, and it wasn't much longer before I packed up and left. When I called my mom--who was expecting me to be away for the summer--she was upset. She had seen me at home far too much the previous fall while I rook an independent study course in history, along with another class that met only once per week, and felt I should be out of the house. Nonetheless, here I was coming home again.
If this were the end, it would be a pretty depressing story. Ironically, however, the event that I saw as my greatest disappointment would eventually become a source of great pride. Having no plan in mind for my summer, I decided reluctantly to return to my studies in the master's program. This was not what I had expected for myself. In fact, having unenthusiastically trudged through the fall semester, I had questioned whether I would continue the program at all. Yet, here I was, and instead of finding myself overwhelmed at the workload, I found the class manageable enough to motivate me to continue later. Indeed, after starting work as a teacher, I returned to the master's program and eventually graduated.
I highlight this story because it reminds me of my favorite scripture, Romans 8:28: "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." God's presence was clear throughout my schooling, from the darkest to the brightest moments, and I can see now that he took my shame and used it for my good. I am not alone in this. Paul, author of much of the New Testament, had once persecuted Christians, watching as like-minded people killed followers of the Way. Yet, God used this man's past as an example for the benefit of other believers, and of Paul himself. 1 Timothy 1:12-17 states,
"I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength, that he considered me trustworthy, appointing me to his service. Even though I was once a blasphemer and a persecutor and a violent man, I was shown mercy because I acted in ignorance and unbelief. The grace of our Lord was poured on my abundantly, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus.
"Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners--of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life. Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory forever and ever. Amen."Of course, the greatest example of God using shame or evil for good came when he gave Jesus up as a sacrifice, turning a Roman execution by crucifixion--an execution so painful that it gave us the English word excruciating--into a source of life for everyone who would accept the Lord's message of grace.*
As Christians, we can be encouraged by the fact that God will use our shame, our sin, for our own growth and for the benefit of others.
*McKeen, Jeremy. "Overcoming Regrets." Goodnews. The Good News. 10 July 2014. Web. 28 July 2017.
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