Skip to main content

Loneliness

I’m going to make a confession. My hope is that you will not see this confession as a sign of weakness, but instead as something that opens up an opportunity for change, like God helps us to see it. Before I make the confession, though, I want to tell a brief story. My friend and I were driving home one day, when I asked him what he thought was the worse type of pain: physical pain or emotional pain. Without hesitating, he answered that it was emotional pain. I think I agree with him. I’ve hurt myself pretty badly before, but there have been few times in my life that I have felt more helpless than when I have felt alone.

I’m not alone in this. Some of the most brilliant minds in history have despaired at the deep isolation they have felt. Vincent Van Gogh observed that “One may have a blazing hearth in one’s soul, and yet no one ever comes to sit by it;” Thomas Wolfe lamented that “the whole conviction of my life now rests upon the belief that loneliness...is the central and inevitable fact of human existence;” Einstein complained that “It is strange to be known so universally and yet to be so lonely;” and Maya Angelou said that “music was my refuge. I could crawl into the space between the notes and curl my back to loneliness.” Finally, John records that Jesus “came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him” (John 1:11). So this feeling of loneliness, what existentialists would call the human condition, is universal. No one is exempt from its pain; and yet there is an irony to loneliness. It’s not always a bad thing.

When do you think loneliness might be helpful to us?

Sometimes, loneliness gives us the courage to change something in our lives for the better. It also encourages us to appreciate the relationships we do have. That said, no one wants to be lonely; and yet, we sometimes sabotage ourselves: we isolate ourselves on purpose. This is tragic. What force could so drive us to remove from ourselves the very life that God intended for us to have? What pain could be so great as to compel us to avoid those whom God intends to use for our healing? This tendency in us, whatever it is, must be strong, because the strongest consequence we feel in loneliness is that it begins to strip us of our identity. I’m convinced that spending time with others serves to magnify our character traits. You’ll learn far more about yourself when you’re with others than if you spend most of your time alone. This can be a good thing, but it may not always be.

I want to end with a story. There’s a scene in the second Incredible Hulk movie where Hulk is being attacked by the army, who’s trying to capture him so they can use his blood to build superhumans like him. At one point, they bring out these two vehicles that emit incredibly loud sound. When they turn them on the Hulk, the intensity of the sound incapacitates him; he’s driven to the ground, and can’t move. After a short time, he is able to glance over and see the girl he loves standing at a distance. Just the sight of her gives him enough strength to pick himself up and grab two car doors to use as shields to the sound. He then ends up destroying the vehicles and getting away. How ironic, that someone with such incredible strength is able to fight his enemies only when he draws on the strength of someone much weaker than himself. How much less can we expect to thrive in this world, and in our faith, without important friendships? I don’t think we can.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

The Nice Guy Fallacy

I read part of a poem recently by one of my favorite poets. It reads: I envy not in any moods The captive void of noble rage The linnet born within the cage That never knew the summer woods. I envy not the beast that takes His license in the field of time Unfetter'd by the sense of crime To whom a conscience never wakes. Nor what may call itself as bles't The heart that never plighted troth But stagnates in the weeds of sloth Nor any want-begotten rest. I hold it true, whate'er befall I feel it, when I sorrow most 'Tis better to have loved and lost Than never to have loved at all. At base, Tennyson contrasted a life of risk, and consequent pain, with one of security. He sides conclusively with the life of risk, and says he fails to envy those who have faced no hardship. I agree with him; and, for good or ill, his words are just as relevant today as they were in the nineteenth century. Like then, there are those today who choose to live their lives with as little risk as...

Heroes

Although we have several examples of heroes in our day, one of the best known is of a woman named Agnes Gonxhe Bojaxhiu (“Gonja Bojaju”), who devoted her life to sustaining the “poor, sick, orphaned, and dying.” Her venue was Calcutta, India, where she served as a teacher until she began to take notice of the poverty there. Seeking to do something about it, she began an organization that consisted of just thirteen members at its inception. Called the “Missionaries of Charity,” the organization would eventually burgeon into well over 5,000 members worldwide, running approximately 600 missions, schools and shelters in 120 countries; and caring for the orphaned, blind, aged, disabled, and poor. As her personal work expanded, she traveled to countries like Lebanon, where she rescued 37 children from a hospital by pressing for peace between Israel and Palestine; to Ethiopia, where she traveled to help the hungry; to Chernobyl, Russia, to assist victims of the nuclear meltdown there; and to ...

End of an Era

It was over two years ago that I joined an experiment that would last until last July, an experiment that would significantly change me and the eleven others involved. That experiment was the creation of a new church comprised of twelve members whose purpose was to serve the people of downtown Stockton. Most attractive to me about it was that half of our income would be used in some way outside the church, to benefit the local community or to aid in international assistance. In that span of time, we did in fact serve in ways we'd envisioned. One of our first events was a pizza and school supplies giveaway (coupled with games for the kids who came) toward the end of our first summer. Many of those who came seemed genuinely happy at this. Through that year, we also hosted an event called a "card me house party," wherein each person's ticket to the event was a gift card. Once inside, chips could be purchased to play card and other games, with the resulting collection g...