I went swing dancing last Friday with a few acquaintances. On the way home, the question came up about what our greatest fears were. After one of the girls mentioned hers, she asked what mine was. Immediately, I said it was the fear of rejection, "hands down."
Later, though, I realized that was wrong, that my fear of rejection was really a fear of something more specific, something which I understand a lot of men face. That is, I'm afraid of inadequacy. To be sure, this is but an extension of the fear of rejection. If a man hasn't met the standard by which he measures himself, he may feel isolated from his peers, his God, and even himself.
Still, there's a special niche of the heart-- a rather deep one, in fact-- into which the fear of inadequacy fits that both distinguishes it from the fear of rejection and that makes it particularly cutting to a male. When much of his identity rests upon the false foundation of his performance in this or that task, as I believe it sometimes does with me, there must inevitably come that time when he fails to fulfill his own expectations. As a result, he becomes to himself less of a man.
The solution is to become aware of the firmer foundation upon which I should build my identity. I must understand, internalize, my inherent value as a unique creature, made and loved by a personal and interested God; and that, I know by Scripture, takes putting into practice the things God commands. This takes the facing of another fear, the fear of change. I know, after all, that without this truer identity in place, my mood and character will be determined by the shifting winds of other people's-- and my own-- expectations. This must be why Jesus says in Matthew 7 that
Later, though, I realized that was wrong, that my fear of rejection was really a fear of something more specific, something which I understand a lot of men face. That is, I'm afraid of inadequacy. To be sure, this is but an extension of the fear of rejection. If a man hasn't met the standard by which he measures himself, he may feel isolated from his peers, his God, and even himself.
Still, there's a special niche of the heart-- a rather deep one, in fact-- into which the fear of inadequacy fits that both distinguishes it from the fear of rejection and that makes it particularly cutting to a male. When much of his identity rests upon the false foundation of his performance in this or that task, as I believe it sometimes does with me, there must inevitably come that time when he fails to fulfill his own expectations. As a result, he becomes to himself less of a man.
The solution is to become aware of the firmer foundation upon which I should build my identity. I must understand, internalize, my inherent value as a unique creature, made and loved by a personal and interested God; and that, I know by Scripture, takes putting into practice the things God commands. This takes the facing of another fear, the fear of change. I know, after all, that without this truer identity in place, my mood and character will be determined by the shifting winds of other people's-- and my own-- expectations. This must be why Jesus says in Matthew 7 that
“everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.”
Comments
Post a Comment