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Me, Myself, and I

Soren Kierkegaard once said that "there is nothing with which every man is so afraid as getting to know how enormously much he is capable of doing and becoming."

This man is identified as the father of existentialism, a philosophy whose proponents hold individual choice as the act that shapes and defines human nature; and who believe that when the individual makes a choice because of social pressure, he or she devalues his or her nature.

It follows that any role we play out of obligation to others fails to give us a genuine identity. We are what others say we are, not what we ourselves have determined.

I have questions, though. What if that role gives us the identity we've always really wanted? Would we be any less genuine just because our motives were not personal? It seems to me that we can, indeed, find ourselves when we choose out of obligation. I'm specifically thinking about service. The man who serves may not want to, but he discovers in the process of service a real fulfillment he would not have expected. This new role he adopts as his identity, one that was "forced" upon him by society.

Sometimes, in fact, it takes being swept up in something larger than yourself to really understand what you're capable of becoming. Consider how many people have discovered in themselves a courage they never thought they had before being forced to fulfill some duty.

Soldiers might come automatically to mind, but there is more to this. The simple person, the one we think not capable of great things, may also be gripped in the throes of obligation and circumstance, and prove himself or herself determined, courageous, and-- ultimately-- genuine.

I've wondered at times whether the organizations I'm part of strip me of my individuality. I find in the midst of these questions, though, that I'm becoming more of who I was meant to become by taking part in them. I may not want to go through the physical labor involved in building a large garden bed, but I find I'm more handy than I first believed; and I may not have wanted to be thrust in the position of leadership teacher at my school, but I find I'm becoming more of a leader than I knew I could become. It was a personal choice I made to take on these roles, but one I made more out of duty than desire.

It may be true that I am misunderstanding the nature of existentialism; but if I'm right, then doing something initially out of obligation or duty can eventually lead a man to become that which he would have intended in the first place. The road this person took may not have been the intended one, but it got him there nonetheless.

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