At the same time, I could tell that much of her strength had been the result of the trials in her life, those formative moments that God uses to shape us into the people he wants us to become. They seemed to prepare her for life on a larger scale, one that will no doubt include still more surrender, but that will offer her and others the peace that God wants to bring to our world.
Dana first heard about the Haiti trip while singing on stage in the choir at church, from an announcement on the screen. She immediately decided that she needed to go. She'd always wanted to go on a mission trip, but finances were always an issue. When her friends went to Kenya, she knew there had to be a way for her to go on a similar trip. Her friends going proved that a trip like this wasn't so far-fetched. Her attitude became, "I'm going, and I don't care."
In fact, Dana became so adamant about going to Haiti that she thought herself to be Sandi's "stalker." Sandi had told her the team had already been formed, which really disappointed her. Not to be dissuaded, she asked to be involved anyway. Sandi then put her on a waiting list, and despite the fact that she wasn't at that point going, she began to fundraise. She brought support letters to her choir, and it shocked her to learn how much was being given to support her. At that point, she had no doubt that she was going.
Things didn't always go so smoothly for her as the trip approached. As it neared, and her place on the team was secured, she began experiencing spiritual attacks. Perhaps most salient was what she'd learned from a routine check-up. She had, in fact, gone to the doctor for vaccines alone, but a doctor's error-- he thought she was there for a different reason-- led him to conduct a complete physical that led to the finding that she could at some point contract cancer. This was shocking, to say the least; but it allowed her the opportunity to give the situation, and her worries, to God. In fact, she was still very committed to going to Haiti, and saw the doctor's finding as a test of faith, a "God-given result;" and without this trip to Haiti, Dana noted, she would never have gone to the appointment that led her to this discovery in the first place.
Her most memorable time in Haiti involved early-morning soccer. The fact that she was getting up at 5:00 A.M., and yet still excited, showed her that she had purpose here. Equally important was a new perspective of men that she'd gained while in Haiti. She didn't have a father growing up, and didn't have a good male role model. Seeing the Christian men at work with the organization, and with the team, showed her that good guys do exist. It wasn't something she was accustomed to.
Dana knows she will be back in Haiti, perhaps even as an intern with Hands and Feet. She said this, however, with a measure of caution, born not of fear but out of a desire to allow God to guide her life. She wants a decision as relevant as this to be informed by God, fearful that acting outside of his will be like "taking the pen away from God."
This excitement about Haiti had also made her somewhat conscious of others. She felt at times like she was getting on others' nerves, and was careful not to allow herself to be excited in front of them, believing she would be seen as self-righteous. Still, she knew from at least her third day on the trip that being in Haiti was something she truly wanted. That decision, however, will ultimately have to be made by God, a condition that has led to an inner struggle between her desire to be used in Haiti and her need to wait for God's leading.
Still, it seems so right. Never, as she put it, has she been in a more perfect place to leave her life in the United States to be in Haiti. She's never been as close to the Lord, has just left her job, and has no family ties that would prevent her from taking a responsibility like this one. The only obstacle, in her mind, is funding; and as far as God's role in the affair, she expects to hear from him "at the last second." In spiritual matters like these, as in all other areas of importance in life, decisions like this are to her a matter of surrender, a giving up to God her own wants, to give him control.
This lesson, I soon found out, was not learned easily. Although Dana accepted Christ at age twelve, she's grown in her faith over the past two years especially. It was two years ago, in fact, that she'd felt a void that she couldn't fill on her own. She was forced to move home and wasn't sure about her future. This was one of her lowest moments. There was nothing she could do about her future; and being a "self-proclaimed control freak," experiencing something so uncontrollable was not comfortable.
At this point, she talked to her grandmother, who gave her advice she didn't want to hear: surrender. Her grandmother told her to let it go, give it to God. This angered Dana; but after the call, she prayed that God would, in fact, take the situation out of her hands. His response, she found, was to take care of everything that caused her stress: every situation that had brought her to this point was taken care of. In Dana's words, God did things that were "literally impossible."
Since that time, God has continued to work in Dana's life, a presence that had prepared her for the trials she's experienced over the past year. It was during that year, for instance, that a friend was killed. Had God not done the work he'd done in her life, she never could have been as supportive as she was able to be. Equally important, she never could have experienced the peace she'd felt through it all. Like the other major trials in her life, this was to her a matter of surrender.
Comments
Post a Comment