Exercising at a gym seems to be pretty important in our culture, but it's kind of weird to see the social dynamics when you're there. Usually, if you're running an errand, you see others doing the same thing, going about their days and focusing on what's in front of them. The same thing happens at the gym, only everyone is relatively stationary. They don't really go anywhere, except from one machine or area to another.
One might think this lends itself to lots of interaction between members, especially since they're all there for the same purpose, but it isn't true. Not only do people generally avoid talking to one another, but they also avoid even looking at one another. It is as though there is no one else there, even though there are dozens on any given day. Most people follow this unwritten rule, unless something in the environment-- say, two people wanting to use the same set of weights-- gives them common ground to interact, or unless they've already met. It isn't odd when you remember that people are there for a reason-- to get through a workout-- and don't want to be distracted; but seeing it happen with such regularity and on such a universal scale is odd because-- it's true for me, anyway-- part of the joy of going to the gym is the social atmosphere. It isn't the only reason people go to the gym, I know, nor is it the most important reason.
Maybe being a ghost in a gym full of people is a way to guard yourself. Unless you already know others, avoiding the interaction keeps you from having to pay attention to someone else, to give of yourself, to be unselfish with your energy and time. I admit that I obey the unwritten ghost rule pretty regularly myself. I don't often interact with others there, because the pronounced message, writ large on the faces of countless eternal strangers, is that it's appropriate to keep to yourself. I suppose the same thing happens in all places where strangers come together, but it is different here because these are familiar strangers, strangers you see regularly. Maybe I should say hello to one of these familiar strangers sometime, and just see what happens. Maybe, when that happens, we won't be ghosts anymore.
One might think this lends itself to lots of interaction between members, especially since they're all there for the same purpose, but it isn't true. Not only do people generally avoid talking to one another, but they also avoid even looking at one another. It is as though there is no one else there, even though there are dozens on any given day. Most people follow this unwritten rule, unless something in the environment-- say, two people wanting to use the same set of weights-- gives them common ground to interact, or unless they've already met. It isn't odd when you remember that people are there for a reason-- to get through a workout-- and don't want to be distracted; but seeing it happen with such regularity and on such a universal scale is odd because-- it's true for me, anyway-- part of the joy of going to the gym is the social atmosphere. It isn't the only reason people go to the gym, I know, nor is it the most important reason.
Maybe being a ghost in a gym full of people is a way to guard yourself. Unless you already know others, avoiding the interaction keeps you from having to pay attention to someone else, to give of yourself, to be unselfish with your energy and time. I admit that I obey the unwritten ghost rule pretty regularly myself. I don't often interact with others there, because the pronounced message, writ large on the faces of countless eternal strangers, is that it's appropriate to keep to yourself. I suppose the same thing happens in all places where strangers come together, but it is different here because these are familiar strangers, strangers you see regularly. Maybe I should say hello to one of these familiar strangers sometime, and just see what happens. Maybe, when that happens, we won't be ghosts anymore.
This post has me chuckling. Your term "the unwritten ghost rule" is both amusing and sadly realistic. I am glad you pointed out that "the same thing happens in all places where strangers come together". I had the same thought while reading. Such a prevailing attitude of indifference and avoidance towards the living, breathing lives around us is tragic. I think that sharing the gospel with strangers in our culture appears so extreme because we as people are suprised when we get so much as a "hello" from eachother.
ReplyDeleteKara, you're right. I went to a coastal town last year, and was kind of surprised by what I found. People were making eye contact with me! I was actually visible to them (meaning they didn't just ignore me)! Honestly, it made me a little uncomfortable, only because I wasn't used to it. I think, though, that it's different for a bigger city like Stockton because there are so many people. At the same time, I practice the same behavior. I just wonder how others would respond if we took more of a risk in being friendly for the sake of being friendly. Many would be skeptical and think we wanted something from them, but maybe it would lift someone's spirits, too. Rejection, of course, is always a risk, but it seems better than being a ghost.
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