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New York

Two summers ago, I spent the day alone in San Francisco, most of it at Golden Gate Park. It was supposed to be a preliminary step toward checking off an item on my bucket list (yes, I have a bucket list, even if it is a short one). I've noticed over my life that I'm not a very independent person. I have tended to shy away from taking risks alone, including the risk of being alone in an unfamiliar place. It awed me to learn that people around my age were traveling alone to foreign countries, or even cities here in the U.S. I couldn't put myself in that place because I didn't believe I could trust my own judgment enough to be safe in such circumstances. In short, I've been afraid to venture out on my own.

This leads to what I was able to experience last week. I traveled to New York City on Monday, and spent Tuesday and Wednesday there before meeting my aunt and uncle a little farther north outside the city. I was originally supposed to travel to New York with my brother and sister-in-law, but unforeseen events prevented them from going. Unexpectedly, then, I had the chance to be thousands of miles away from home on my own.

To the person accustomed to independence, this must seem unremarkable, but I didn't grow up having to take care of myself. I remember having to make a phone call to a parent one day as a kid to tell her that I couldn't make it to an event I was supposed to attend. I didn't have the courage to tell this parent myself, so I asked my mom if she would call for me. The sum of occasions like this one, moments of sheltering, may have taught me that risk-taking isn't necessary.

Whatever existential reason I may have had for being in the city alone, my true purpose for being there was to see my family. They welcomed me with incredibly warm arms, which made for a great Thanksgiving. Still, I learned from those two days in the city that I'm not the little boy I used to be, at least in regard to caring for myself. That doesn't mean I still don't like playing with cars. :-)

I was allowed to take this photo in a Ferrari store near Rockefeller Center.

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