Again we continued our various projects today: painting, building, and installing. There has been a spectrum of feelings expressed by each of us as the week has progressed. Today has been an example of that. In part because of this, one of the most powerful lessons I'm learning on this trip is that it's okay to feel. I see my teammates breaking down into tears, showing anger, and expressing shame. Events like these are somewhat foreign to me. Seeing these moments of pain in others, though-- along with the healing that came through them-- shows me that there is real purpose in our feelings. This trip, in fact, has been as much about understanding ourselves as it has been about serving others through work and time with children. Many of us are seeing ourselves on a level we aren't willing to explore at home, and this in front of-- and perhaps because of-- each other. If I were to summarize this trip into one word, in fact, I would call this a trip of healing: we are healing each other as we help each other process our experiences and feelings; and we are healing ourselves as we allow our respective pasts to surface and as we face those pasts squarely. Listen to the prayers of our group members before we left and you will find a little more about our expectations for the trip: prayer to fulfill the roles we've been given, prayer for safety, and prayer for a willingness to serve. It is clear to me through them that we hardly expected a trip that would be as much about God's work in us as it would be about God's work through us. I suppose life can be so unpredictable, but God, it seems, can be more so. Here is a God who "works all things for the good of those who love him." These moments of vulnerability and feelings have been foreign, but they have also been deeply meaningful.
*Note: In the following post, I am heavily influenced by a pastor named Bob Shirock. Specifically, Shirock writes about Solomon's response to the pleasures he experienced in life in Ecclesiastes, and observes that we can enjoy pleasures in life if we accept them as God's gifts, and if we express our gratitude in their enjoyment. He cites Ecclesiastes 2:24-26 and 1 Timothy 4:1-5. I’ve noticed something about pleasure: the highs can be followed by lows. This sounds obvious, but what I mean is that times of joy and fun in life's pleasures are wonderful, and can lift your spirits for a time, but they can be followed by a disappointment that comes from the realization that they are short-lived and will not satisfy us in the long-term. I’m calling this a pleasure hangover. We gain happiness for a time, but see that this happiness is temporary. We therefore feel a subsequent low that leaves us still longing. It reminds me of a theme in the life of C.S. Lewis: sehnsucht , or a wist...

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