Listening

In his dystopian novel 1984, while the main character weighs the character of his torturer, George Orwell writes these words: "Perhaps one did not want to be loved so much as to be understood." With regard to the emotional love to which I believe Orwell is referring, I suppose the reader can qualify his words. Love (the emotional love, not the act of caring about someone with deeds) and understanding seem to be two sides of the same coin. That is, the most meaningful kind of emotional love one can receive is one grounded in acceptance, and genuine acceptance takes place when one person understands the motivations and behavior of another, and yet still cares for that person. This kind of love is indomitable.

For this reason, I believe that empathy is among the greatest gifts one person can give to another; and since empathy comes through listening not only to the words of a person, but also to the motives and convictions behind those words, listening to someone is the conduit through which that empathy comes. It is ironic to me that one of the most powerful avenues to love, then, comes through an act so subtle-- making a quiet effort to understand someone-- that it seems inconsequential. Listening is powerful, in fact; but despite its power, there is no doubt that listening can be a difficult thing to do. I believe that this is because, on its face, listening can often seem to us to have no personal benefit: we are simply trying to grasp another person's feelings, needs, desires, pleasures, and hurts. This is difficult, because it requires that we put our own needs and wants aside for a time.

I suppose all of this is what makes the gift of empathy so potent. It is sacrificial love, cloaked as silence.