Skip to main content

Listening

In his dystopian novel 1984, while the main character weighs the character of his torturer, George Orwell writes these words: "Perhaps one did not want to be loved so much as to be understood." With regard to the emotional love to which I believe Orwell is referring, I suppose the reader can qualify his words. Love (the emotional love, not the act of caring about someone with deeds) and understanding seem to be two sides of the same coin. That is, the most meaningful kind of emotional love one can receive is one grounded in acceptance, and genuine acceptance takes place when one person understands the motivations and behavior of another, and yet still cares for that person. This kind of love is indomitable.

For this reason, I believe that empathy is among the greatest gifts one person can give to another; and since empathy comes through listening not only to the words of a person, but also to the motives and convictions behind those words, listening to someone is the conduit through which that empathy comes. It is ironic to me that one of the most powerful avenues to love, then, comes through an act so subtle-- making a quiet effort to understand someone-- that it seems inconsequential. Listening is powerful, in fact; but despite its power, there is no doubt that listening can be a difficult thing to do. I believe that this is because, on its face, listening can often seem to us to have no personal benefit: we are simply trying to grasp another person's feelings, needs, desires, pleasures, and hurts. This is difficult, because it requires that we put our own needs and wants aside for a time.

I suppose all of this is what makes the gift of empathy so potent. It is sacrificial love, cloaked as silence.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Pleasure

*Note: In the following post, I am heavily influenced by a pastor named Bob Shirock. Specifically, Shirock writes about Solomon's response to the pleasures he experienced in life in Ecclesiastes, and observes that we can enjoy pleasures in life if we accept them as God's gifts, and if we express our gratitude in their enjoyment. He cites Ecclesiastes 2:24-26 and 1 Timothy 4:1-5. I’ve noticed something about pleasure: the highs can be followed by lows. This sounds obvious, but what I mean is that times of joy and fun in life's pleasures are wonderful, and can lift your spirits for a time, but they can be followed by a disappointment that comes from the realization that they are short-lived and will not satisfy us in the long-term. I’m calling this a pleasure hangover. We gain happiness for a time, but see that this happiness is temporary. We therefore feel a subsequent low that leaves us still longing. It reminds me of a theme in the life of C.S. Lewis: sehnsucht , or a wist...
Post a Comment
Read more

Ghosts

Exercising at a gym seems to be pretty important in our culture, but it's kind of weird to see the social dynamics when you're there. Usually, if you're running an errand, you see others doing the same thing, going about their days and focusing on what's in front of them. The same thing happens at the gym, only everyone is relatively stationary. They don't really go anywhere, except from one machine or area to another. One might think this lends itself to lots of interaction between members, especially since they're all there for the same purpose, but it isn't true. Not only do people generally avoid talking to one another, but they also avoid even looking at one another. It is as though there is no one else there, even though there are dozens on any given day. Most people follow this unwritten rule, unless something in the environment-- say, two people wanting to use the same set of weights-- gives them common ground to interact, or unless they've alr...
2 comments
Read more

End of an Era

It was over two years ago that I joined an experiment that would last until last July, an experiment that would significantly change me and the eleven others involved. That experiment was the creation of a new church comprised of twelve members whose purpose was to serve the people of downtown Stockton. Most attractive to me about it was that half of our income would be used in some way outside the church, to benefit the local community or to aid in international assistance. In that span of time, we did in fact serve in ways we'd envisioned. One of our first events was a pizza and school supplies giveaway (coupled with games for the kids who came) toward the end of our first summer. Many of those who came seemed genuinely happy at this. Through that year, we also hosted an event called a "card me house party," wherein each person's ticket to the event was a gift card. Once inside, chips could be purchased to play card and other games, with the resulting collection g...
1 comment
Read more