Skip to main content

Privacy

Why is privacy so important to us? I think it's because we're afraid. We build our lives, compartmentalizing work, play, political and religious beliefs, and (especially) our faults in separate rooms of the same home because we can't imagine losing what we've gained. We gladly invite the appropriate guests into the family room of work or play, but prevent them from seeing the messes of our respective pasts that we've left in our respective bedrooms. The problem with building something, anything, is that there will always be something to threaten it. I believe that threat, real or (more likely) imagined, produces in us a defensiveness that stands anathema to meaningful relationships. So we build walls around our lives, walls that have signs clearly displayed and telling others that it's not their place to ask about who we are. What's interesting is that these walls are fortified by the added benefit of making our house look better than it actually is. No one really knows what behind them, which adds a sense of mystique that temporarily sustains our egos.

By that, I mean others look at us and see what appears to be a life of significance and happiness. They don't see the bad, because we don't let them. The tragedy is that they really don't see the good, either, because we don't let them. While this way of life seems secure, you begin to find that the things you've gained (whether accomplishments or actual things) are meant to be shared. Your faults are meant to be shared. Your achievements, talents, and beliefs are meant to be shared; but I think we find the opportunity cost of sharing them with others so high that we'd rather be lonely. The result, at least for me, has been an effort at deconstruction, reluctantly taking down the signs and letting others into the room to see where the mess is. Ironically, it's when we do this that we're surprised to hear them say, "Hey, this looks kind of like my room." It's a process that involves faith and courage, two sides of the same coin. I've grown, and although I've sacrificed some of my privacy, tearing down some of these walls and inviting others to see my faults, I find more confidence in myself than I ever could have protected behind these walls. I'm glad they're falling, and I'm being more conscious to continue to tear them down. Thanks for reading.
Labels:

Comments

  1. Kara LeAnnApril 29, 2012 at 5:18 PM

    You make such a great point here. How can a person build true relationships and be loved for who they are if they are not willing to reveal themself totaly? I think so many people are hurting and lonely....so many relationships are suffering..because people are too afraid to share their feelings (which might make them vulnerable) and too afraid to ask deep and penetrating questions of friends and relatives. I for one love people who are open and probe to ask questions. How else can we as people build relationships? Certainly not by discussing the weather, music, or movies. Matters of the heart, the soul, one's spiritual journey, and one's needs and hopes are what matter. Thanks be to God for people who can honestly share their hurts and life concerns, while balancing that with praises and Biblical encouragement.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Pleasure

*Note: In the following post, I am heavily influenced by a pastor named Bob Shirock. Specifically, Shirock writes about Solomon's response to the pleasures he experienced in life in Ecclesiastes, and observes that we can enjoy pleasures in life if we accept them as God's gifts, and if we express our gratitude in their enjoyment. He cites Ecclesiastes 2:24-26 and 1 Timothy 4:1-5. I’ve noticed something about pleasure: the highs can be followed by lows. This sounds obvious, but what I mean is that times of joy and fun in life's pleasures are wonderful, and can lift your spirits for a time, but they can be followed by a disappointment that comes from the realization that they are short-lived and will not satisfy us in the long-term. I’m calling this a pleasure hangover. We gain happiness for a time, but see that this happiness is temporary. We therefore feel a subsequent low that leaves us still longing. It reminds me of a theme in the life of C.S. Lewis: sehnsucht , or a wist...
Post a Comment
Read more

Ghosts

Exercising at a gym seems to be pretty important in our culture, but it's kind of weird to see the social dynamics when you're there. Usually, if you're running an errand, you see others doing the same thing, going about their days and focusing on what's in front of them. The same thing happens at the gym, only everyone is relatively stationary. They don't really go anywhere, except from one machine or area to another. One might think this lends itself to lots of interaction between members, especially since they're all there for the same purpose, but it isn't true. Not only do people generally avoid talking to one another, but they also avoid even looking at one another. It is as though there is no one else there, even though there are dozens on any given day. Most people follow this unwritten rule, unless something in the environment-- say, two people wanting to use the same set of weights-- gives them common ground to interact, or unless they've alr...
2 comments
Read more

End of an Era

It was over two years ago that I joined an experiment that would last until last July, an experiment that would significantly change me and the eleven others involved. That experiment was the creation of a new church comprised of twelve members whose purpose was to serve the people of downtown Stockton. Most attractive to me about it was that half of our income would be used in some way outside the church, to benefit the local community or to aid in international assistance. In that span of time, we did in fact serve in ways we'd envisioned. One of our first events was a pizza and school supplies giveaway (coupled with games for the kids who came) toward the end of our first summer. Many of those who came seemed genuinely happy at this. Through that year, we also hosted an event called a "card me house party," wherein each person's ticket to the event was a gift card. Once inside, chips could be purchased to play card and other games, with the resulting collection g...
1 comment
Read more