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Privacy

Why is privacy so important to us? I think it's because we're afraid. We build our lives, compartmentalizing work, play, political and religious beliefs, and (especially) our faults in separate rooms of the same home because we can't imagine losing what we've gained. We gladly invite the appropriate guests into the family room of work or play, but prevent them from seeing the messes of our respective pasts that we've left in our respective bedrooms. The problem with building something, anything, is that there will always be something to threaten it. I believe that threat, real or (more likely) imagined, produces in us a defensiveness that stands anathema to meaningful relationships. So we build walls around our lives, walls that have signs clearly displayed and telling others that it's not their place to ask about who we are. What's interesting is that these walls are fortified by the added benefit of making our house look better than it actually is. No one really knows what behind them, which adds a sense of mystique that temporarily sustains our egos.

By that, I mean others look at us and see what appears to be a life of significance and happiness. They don't see the bad, because we don't let them. The tragedy is that they really don't see the good, either, because we don't let them. While this way of life seems secure, you begin to find that the things you've gained (whether accomplishments or actual things) are meant to be shared. Your faults are meant to be shared. Your achievements, talents, and beliefs are meant to be shared; but I think we find the opportunity cost of sharing them with others so high that we'd rather be lonely. The result, at least for me, has been an effort at deconstruction, reluctantly taking down the signs and letting others into the room to see where the mess is. Ironically, it's when we do this that we're surprised to hear them say, "Hey, this looks kind of like my room." It's a process that involves faith and courage, two sides of the same coin. I've grown, and although I've sacrificed some of my privacy, tearing down some of these walls and inviting others to see my faults, I find more confidence in myself than I ever could have protected behind these walls. I'm glad they're falling, and I'm being more conscious to continue to tear them down. Thanks for reading.
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  1. Tim and KaraApril 29, 2012 at 5:18 PM

    You make such a great point here. How can a person build true relationships and be loved for who they are if they are not willing to reveal themself totaly? I think so many people are hurting and lonely....so many relationships are suffering..because people are too afraid to share their feelings (which might make them vulnerable) and too afraid to ask deep and penetrating questions of friends and relatives. I for one love people who are open and probe to ask questions. How else can we as people build relationships? Certainly not by discussing the weather, music, or movies. Matters of the heart, the soul, one's spiritual journey, and one's needs and hopes are what matter. Thanks be to God for people who can honestly share their hurts and life concerns, while balancing that with praises and Biblical encouragement.

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